Grab a coffee with anyone who’s worked anywhere for a couple of years and it’s guaranteed you’ll hear a coworker horror story. It’s near impossible to navigate a career without having terrible run-ins with those you work with day in and day out; accordingly, you are going to have your own horrible experiences soon enough-back-stabbing, politicking, laziness, callousness, lacking any type of care, and a thousand other sins that can come along with terrible environments. Given this truth, it’s little wonder that so many of us become cynical about colleagues and office relationships, approaching them with coldness or indifference.
In the same way a designer must love their clients in order to produce great work, one must learn to love and appreciate their coworkers to produce a great career.
Love is a loaded concept to use in this scenario. But rather than the outcome of a romantic comedy, love here is more in line with a famous Bible quote:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”Loving your coworkers is not an act of tenderness and affection, but rather an act of reverence and camaraderie. It represents the humility to accept people as they are so that you can promote positivity and momentum on achieving your shared goals. It’s about being a bigger and better person and earning others’ trust to build an unbreakable career. Turning enemies into teammates and using the saved energy that would be wasted on bickering into shared wins for everyone.
For a designer, much of this can be achieved by the suggestions from other chapters in the book: chapter 9, Stay Late with Developers; chapter 10, Make Developers’ Lives Easier; chapter 25, Try Others’ Ideas: You Aren’t the Only Idea Generator; and chapter 27, Be Kind. Distilled more simply, it’s about applying the empathy we apply to end users to those on our team.
You’ll find an internal resistance (or fear) of being the first to show kindness and being vulnerable. One may reasonably ask: “What if my coworker has stabbed me in the back before?” “But what if I absolutely hate my boss?” “What if I work in a dog-eat-dog, stress-filled office?” “Why should I be the first to be caring?”
Some quotes to ponder on that point:
“It is no non-violence if we merely love those that love us. It is non-violence only when we love those that hate us.”You can choose kindness, trust, and genuine care for those you work with. There will be plenty of reasons to dislike members of your team or your bosses. Loving them does not mean accepting awful treatment and delivering nothing but niceties. It’s about making a conscious choice to be a positive and kind light to those you work with and do your part to create better environments wherever you go.
Following are simple actions you can focus on to show care and appreciation.
This pairs nicely with chapter 25-Try Other’s Ideas-but it’s more proactive. It’s about opening yourself up to criticisms and reviews from others and actually listening to what they have to say. It can be difficult to seek out true opinions from coworkers and to expose yourself to critiques you may not want to wrestle with. Especially if the feedback is sincere, as it’s simple to get a “looks good” but much scarier to go deeper and draw out actual opinions.
You’ll want to use your best judgment here, as anyone can have an opinion on anything-and a preference for purple rather than blue isn’t helpful. But getting insight from a teammate can be illuminating if you’re humble enough to accept it. It also gives a significant boost to the one being asked as everyone loves having their opinion sought out.
More than just good insight, though, this shows your coworkers that you value their opinion, that you do not wish to live in an ivory tower, and that you want them to participate with you in the exciting ideation phases.
You want your career to take off, and you want to be seen as a domain expert. Accordingly, it can be difficult not to shine the light on yourself often to herald your great deeds. However, though taking as much credit as you can will be beneficial in the short term, for your longer career you should try to shine the light on others as much as you can.
Don’t let your great work not be known, and don’t give away kudos to those who truly did nothing; instead, find opportunities to share credit whenever you can. Doing so will build an enormous amount of trust and camaraderie. It lets others know how you’ll act when you arrive at the destination, making the effort others give during the next journey easier to contribute.
This becomes exponentially more powerful if done for someone you are having difficulty with. If you have a coworker with whom you have a strained relationship, giving them a callout and credit for their contributions is powerful medicine for your relationship. It shows sacrifice and vulnerability and that you are willing to move forward together if they are. (It’s important to mention again that the credit has to be for actual work or effort, as lying to try and make them feel good will not work.)
A last, interesting benefit of sharing credit is that doing so increases the amount of credit to go around rather than dividing what you started with. When someone receives praise but they earnestly share it among a team, the team receives their deserved portion while the individual gets the added regard of their selflessness. Though they don’t get full credit for the task, they are topped up with additional admiration for their willingness to share and thus bring everyone along (which in some ways is even more valuable).
Pairing nicely with the previous point, being a cheerleader for your coworkers’ wins is a great way to show you care. Either through humility, shyness, or concern for appearing braggadocious, you’ll often find that your teammates are not willing to herald their own successes. If you do the bragging for them in meetings or other communications, you remove the burden from them and allow them to enjoy deserved credit.
You win by proving you are their strong supporter, as well as gaining respect in the eyes of everyone else as a giving teammate.
In tense times it can be difficult to remember basic kindness, especially to those who you are actively disagreeing with. It’s in these times specifically that you need to keep up the basic decorum that allows us all to work with one another.
If there are ongoing disagreements or repair work from a previous wrong being undertaken, try putting in some extra effort by bringing a coffee to a teammate, buying a lunch, taking on a work burden to lighten a load, or some other appropriate means of assisting.
Anyone one can be civil when things are going well (and you should strive to be such a light when things are good), but you show incredible character by maintaining that approach when everything is difficult. It can be the effort that breaks the tension and paves the way to positive interactions.
If you want to better your situation, you need to focus on what you can control. And as you have control over your time and your talents, sacrificing a bit of both to aid another can have an outsized impact on your relationship with your peers.
Words of encouragement are helpful, but specific acts that lessen a load or break through a barrier are even better. If you can put in a bit more effort somewhere to help a coworker’s situation, you can leave a long-lasting imprint that raises your status and their morale. Don’t think your work is above repute. Don’t be overly precious with your work effort; experiment with spreading it out to help others create a better environment and unearth opportunities.
It shows an incredible amount of trust and vulnerability to ask for help. We don’t want to be seen as unknowledgeable, incompetent, or needy. Admitting you need assistance feels like it does just that.
Think back on an opportunity you had to help someone else and how it made you feel. Being able to provide help to another is an amazing experience, even more so if it’s met with sincere appreciation.
Strive to be someone who is curious, honest, and willing to learn. Don’t try and build yourself into an infallible titan (who often has their mistakes and downfalls celebrated by those around them). Be willing to admit when you need a hand, and learn to trust those around you to do so.
This builds your relationships tremendously. Showing the vulnerability and allowing others to be heroes is an excellent shortcut to creating strong bonds. It’s a first shot in trust building. You admit your shortcomings and take steps to fix them, which also allows others to do the same, creating an environment of help and growth.
This topic is classic lesson from our childhoods that still works well in our careers. It is understandable that people get defensive and reach for excuses when the root of a problem lies at their feet.
Rather than trying to back up something that you’ve done incorrectly, be magnanimous and admit that it was a mistake and apologize for it.
A simple principle that’s difficult to implement. But it’s worth it.
Rather than a flat “I’m sorry,” consider going a bit deeper when crafting your apology by mentioning who your mistake impacted and what situation it caused. Consider also going through the steps you’ll take in the future to ensure it won’t happen again. By doing this you control the narrative surrounding it and prevent it from growing beyond the moment. Defining “This is what happened, this is who it affected, and this is how I’ll ensure it doesn’t happen again” will help you, as will a heartfelt apology.
Be honest, strong, and remorseful. Don’t build yourself up to be too large to ask for forgiveness when you mess up (which you will do a lot during an interesting career). By apologizing and meaning it, you can repair and strengthen relationships with your peers rather than wear the mistake around your neck for a long time.
This one is another childhood lesson that can serve us well in our careers. Gossiping and talking ill of your coworkers when they are not around is obviously a mean-spirited thing to do, yet we so easily fall into doing this when around others.
The mean-spiritedness is the part to focus on. Innocent conversations about someone with regards to work will often happen when they’re not around. “Who’s best for this task? Who should we invite to this team? How was the performance? A funny thing happened today . . .”
Rather, it’s the cruel and mocking comments about a peer you must avoid and correct. More than just being mean-spirited, if enough is said of the person in private, the feelings can begin to manifest toward them directly. You need to work with this person and build a layer of trust to best achieve the goals. How can this be done when awful things are said about them the moment they leave? If mocking them in private, how long until the contempt begins to show when working with them in public?
Again, it’s an obvious lesson from childhood, but care for your coworkers by taking care of their honor and reputation when they aren’t around.
Have you ever been scared to ask a particular person for something? Any time you do so they snap harshly and admonish you for the interruption?
When coworkers are deciding whom to seek out for help with an interesting project or provide some input to reach a decision, how many chances are missed if they are afraid to “interrupt” you and suffer your fury?
Accordingly, it’s beneficial to control your responses and interactions when people reach out and try to provide openness and positivity. Work and life are stressful, and it’s no wonder we can find ourselves in dark moods often while working.
You will want to be careful, as you can’t have your work day inundated with unnecessary requests. Your design career will involve other people, be they clients, coworkers, bosses, and more. Learn to actually love them so your days can be more positive. Allow them to act as positive charges for your design career.
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